“Empathy is a strange and powerful thing. There is no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone‘.”Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
We are in the fifth episode of this series to know about fear and learn some coping techniques. Let’s dive in.
#3 Treating fear as an uninvited guest
Fear or anxiety is unpleasant. The moment we are aware of a fearful thought, we immediately want to distract ourselves – using alcohol, sex, social media, etc. Well, I do not condemn any of these behaviors because these are an integral part of human life. Instead, I’d like to ask you to contemplate if you have been overdoing certain things to escape fearful thoughts. If you think so, congratulate yourself for being authentic.
If we treat a part of ourselves as a stranger, we only create more conflicts within. The solution, instead, is to make friendship with it.
#3 Exercise: Naming your fear
- Sit in a comfortable posture, and invite your eyes to close.
- Take three deep breaths and be available with inhaling and exhaling.
- The energy of Peace is your anchor for this session. Acknowledge the stillness in you. (If you believe in God, acknowledge the presence of God within you)
- Pick out a simple, less intense fearful thought of yours. And invite that thought – while holding on to the Peace within.
- Treat this fear as a child and name him/her.
- Ask how you can treat this child to feel safe. Be a compassionate listener.
- Acknowledge the child’s needs and promise to fulfill them.
- If there’s nothing to talk about, finish the session by taking a couple of mindful breaths.
Once we name the fear, we create a contact with that part. It is the beginning step to resolve conflicts.
Repeat this as much as you’d need. My suggestion is to start with simple fears and then begin to work on intense ones. Please let me know your thoughts on this exercise.
In short, the best way to deal with fears is to befriend them *genuinely*! 🙂
May they look inwards and
Actively acknowledge the Source within.
May they hear the Subtle
Word of the Holy Spirit.
May it now be receptive to
The Divine Fragrance of your Soul.
May it taste the everlasting
Nectar of the Divine Wisdom.
May it gently caress your Heart
With the Love of Almighty.
Your Sexual Energy
May it flow like a
Sacred River from head-to-toe.
With all your senses
What can your mind make you worry about?
What story can it tell you today to make you a smaller-self?
Must then dissolve into the Vast Space
That you are, in Absolute Truth.
Originally posted here.
With every conscious breath,
She is born again;
And with every birth,
Her intimacy ever grows with Divine.
“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”John 3:3
As long as you hold on
To the breath of Love,
In one form or other,
It will always find its Way back Home.
Soon after I leave this body,
Take it to her.
If she drops a tear with Love,
I’d come back.
Today, I am happy to share with you all a precious insight by Adhyashanti on “Intimacy with Fear”.
The most important thing when it comes to emotional openness and vulnerability is a willingness to face our fears, because many of our fears, although they’re created in the mind and memory, are also deeply lodged into our emotional makeup.
They can’t just be swept away as if we’re sweeping dust off the sidewalk with a broom. There has to be a willingness to feel that fear again, feel the hesitation, feel the tendency to recoil—if it’s there—and to have the willingness to move into it, to actually become intimate with the fear itself.
Union with fear isn’t something that many of us consider when we think of intimacy and relationship. But when you are willing to be intimate with your resistance, closer than you imagine, then you will see that your fears are not your enemies; they are your allies. Most people have experienced fear in their life, and I often hear people say, “Well, I know I’m intimate with fear because I feel it so profoundly.”
Some people, when they begin to become intimate with another human being, become profoundly fearful. Deep terror can arise. In this case, someone might say, “well, I’m terrified! Of course I’m intimate with it!” But you can actually experience a deep level of emotional pain, turmoil, and fear even without being completely available and intimate with these experiences.
So then what does it mean to be intimate with fear, with anxiety, with some of these emotional barriers that hinder one’s direct experience of oneness? What does it mean to be intimate with the moment of fear?
Sometimes, as in this case, it’s best that you live with a question rather than search for an answer. What is it like to be intimate with fear? It’s the same as being intimate with a view of a sunset, or the leaf on a tree, or the smile in a child’s eyes. It’s different emotional content, of course—it may be much more intimidating—but really what it means to be intimate with fear is the same as what it means to be intimate with anything else: Instead of running away from it, trying to solve it, making it into your problem, you can actually get very close to it.
“Getting close” doesn’t mean you snuggle up to it.
Getting close simply means you stop running away.
You don’t have to run toward it. You just have to stop running away. Then you’ll feel an intimacy. You may also feel a resistance, but you can choose to stay right there.
Of course you don’t like it. Of course you recoil. That’s what you’re taught to do. That’s what our whole society told you that you needed to do. Even part of your brain has evolved such that when you experience fear, you feel compelled to flee.
If you’re out in the jungle and you feel fear because some animal is about to attack you, it’s wise that you feel this desire to run away quickly. It’s good that you don’t sit there with a willingness to feel intimate with your fear, because you might get caught and killed. But the truth is we’re not in the jungle, and usually, when we experience fear, especially the fear of being open and intimate, that kind of fear isn’t the same as the fear you have in the jungle. Interestingly, it feels the same, but the response that’s called for is something entirely different.
When you remind yourself that what you’re dealing with is fear within your own mind, you see that it’s a completely different kind of fear. It’s a fear that’s created within your own being, and you can’t outrun yourself.
Ultimately, we’re going to have to open our heart to the whole world, to everything that’s happening in it, and to everything that has ever happened. We’re going to have to open our heart to everything that could possibly happen. Why? Because we’re not separate from anything or anyone. Anything you consider separate from you can scare and can intimidate you.
But when you have the willingness to open your heart, to be intimate even with the things you don’t like, with the people and events that frighten you, with the state of the world that may intimidate you, then you’ll find a way in which the core of you has an avenue through which to express itself. You can express and manifest the very depth of yourself in the outside world, so that there’s no longer a division between inside and outside and there’s no longer a boundary for our love.
In my previous post, I shared with you a story of someone who struggles with anxieties of all sorts that one could imagine of.
At first, as I read it, it triggered me especially when she began to resist the treatment itself. Thankfully, it didn’t take much to regain compassion for her, though.
Well, it is quite normal when you come forward to help someone with anxieties or depression, they backfire at you. It is mostly because they still are trying to find the courage to look (deeply) at their own mental state. Therefore, as Krishna has rightly pointed out in the comments, a well-informed psychiatrist (and the companion) would try to build the trust, by the energy of Love and Compassion. Only then can they open for real healing.
Fear can also be seen as a symptom of “lack of Love”. It takes Courage to look at the fears in its source. Courage comes through Love.
Happy No Fear, everyone!
What kind of emotions rise up as you read about Betty?
How would you treat her if you were her psychiatrist?
Looking forward to hearing your comments! 🙂
This Ocean, my Friend,
Is my Home.
Do not be scared.
Do not think twice.
Oxygen is not the Source of Life.
Love is. Breathe into it.
You don’t have to swim.
Just for a while,
Leave everyone behind and
Dive into my Home
You’ll remember Everyone, again.